You know how parents usually say “ugh this is the BEST age” …and then they say that every year? Well, this is the first time I’ve been able to join in. It’s no secret that parenting is tough, but at this age I finally have real fun with Finn. I love having thoughtful conversations with him; I love watching him play and chat with other kids; I love seeing hobbies and preferences emerge; I love being on the go and experiencing things with him. It finally happened where I went out of town and felt a hole in my heart. It took me a minute to pinpoint the source of my abstract sadness, but I eventually realized I missed him. He is the COOLEST kid, and I’m proud to be raising him and thankful I get to hang out with him every day.
Reflections
- A while ago, a friend told me about a question she was asked as part of her child’s school interview process. “If your child was a spice, what would they be?” So hard! (And this was in a verbal interview – so tough to be put on the spot!) I thought about it for a while and think, for Finn, I’d say salt. He’s so adaptable and brings out the best in everyone around him, just like salt enhances the flavor of everything it’s on, even chocolate.
- Of course, as someone who decompresses by cooking, I love that Finn jumps to help out in the kitchen. Maybe it’s because we’ve got a budding chef on our hands, but mostly I think he just really enjoys having a purpose. He loves having a job (top tasks are doing the seasoning on taco meat and grating cheese) and beams with pride when I call him my little sous chef.
- Kids can understand hard things. At three and a half, Finn lost his grandfather (my father in law) and got it. Maybe not fully, but when we equated it to a favorite movie (Coco) to explain heaven and keeping loved ones’ memories alive, he seemed to get it – to a degree. He also knows that Spider-Man’s parents passed away so he knows that loss happens. He hasn’t seen us sad about it so he doesn’t fully understand grief, but even at this young age he can comprehend difficult topics. It’s a good reminder that it’s ok to tackle the tough subjects – just make sure to relate it to them. Give them the opportunity to absorb this stuff.
- Lean into it. It’s easy to get exhausted with a toddler. They ask a million questions and are always go go go. Rather than getting stressed by him running around and asking for a millionth snack and begging you to look at him, just lean into it. Will you be able to watch 8 straight hours of football or housewives? No, but once you accept the toddler way of life, it’s all just…easier.
- Always tell stories. We read a lot in our house. (Bedtime was getting out of hand and, as much as it pains me to limit literature, we recently had to institute a cap on books at 6.) But even when we’re not reading books, Finn wants stories. Every walk to school and every evening while we wait for supper to come out of the oven, he asks “can you read me a story from your head?” I am more than happy to oblige. I love that he’s not asking to watch tv and that he’s been joining in, letting his imagination control the plot. Sometimes, I run out of ideas and that’s when ChatGPT has become a lifeline. I ask it to tell me a Batman (or whatever) story for a 5 year old (I know he’s not 5 but what it spit out for younger kids missed the mark) and specify theme and villains. It’s been amazing – top parenting hack!
- Friend drama starts young. I was amazed that at 3-years-old, Finn was already identifying best friends. They start splintering off so young, which also means feelings can get hurt when they’re so young too. It breaks my heart when Finn comes home and says someone doesn’t want to be his best friend. I’ve explained that it doesn’t mean they don’t want to be friends at all, just that they’ve picked another best friend – and it’s ok. It’s just so hard watching his little face fall as he realizes life isn’t perfectly perfect. It takes everything I have to remain diplomatic, but it’s hard watching him navigate the waters of friendship!
Stats
- Weight: 40 lbs, 13 oz – 82nd percentile
- Height: 40.75 in (3 ft, 4.8 in) – 57th percentile
- Shoe Size: 9
- Skills:
- Jumping: For some reason he just couldn’t jump before – he would bounce, but the feet never left the ground. Now that he can jump up, we’re working on jumping out. Once that skill is mastered, pool time will be way less stressful.
- Potty Training: This was NOT easy. Number 2 proved stressful to us all. He suffers from constipation and in the week+ between poops, he doesn’t really feel when he’s having what is essentially an oversized shart. Sometimes 4x/day. We went through so much underwear.
- Letters: He knows all his letters and is eager to read.
Personality
- Shy…at first: Unless you are someone he talks to all the time, he will keep his lips zipped while he assesses the situation. On the walk to school, another parent asked his name and he stayed fully silent. Once he’s comfortable, he fully opens up.
- Fair: He has a strong sense of justice and really latched on to his class’ unit on racism. He’s also good at sharing.
- Doesn’t Mess with Things that Ain’t Broke: When he finds something he likes, he really sticks with it. Despite about eight options during work time at school, he continues to do the same two activities each day. (Pretend area is his favorite.) He also requests to go to the museum and the bookstore every single weekend. And when it comes to Fridays, don’t even try to mess with his routine of pizza, challah, and a movie.
- Silly: Finn skipped the terrible twos entirely, but they found us just as he approached 4. There were a few tantrums when he didn’t feel like going to school or trying to pee, but overall he’s best described as silly. We could roll around and giggle for hours and “up high down low too slow” never gets old to him. I love that he’s happiest when none of us are taking things too seriously.
Our Faves
- Food: Taco Tuesday (ground beef is the most requested), gummies, mac and cheese, and pizza Friday with challah – but not chocolate or vegetables. He eats yogurt every single day for breakfast and loves when I cook salmon for supper.
- Movies/TV: Spidey and his Amazing Friends and Batwheels are faves, with Ninja Turtles and Sonic in rotation. For movies, he definitely gravitates toward Pixar films (the colors are beautiful and the focus is more on friendship and family rather than romance and villains). On 4th of July, we took him to the theater for the first time to see Elio and he loved it.
- Activities: His number one weekend request is to go to the bookstore. He also loves running around a playground. He enjoys the pool but is not a fan of the beach.
- Books: Millie Fleur’s Poison Garden, Umami, We Are Definitely Human, Dim Sum Palace, Thank You Omu, The Baddies, King Lion
The Celebration
- The Theme: Finn was very clear that he wanted a superhero party. Since he loves so many different superheroes, this was a general “super” vibe. He decided he wanted to be the Hulk so he wore this outfit and was very proud.
- The Invitations: The invites were bright, comic book style with some puns. I also know that people tend to disregard a “no gifts please” request, which makes the parents who do try to respect the parents’ wishes feel awkward. Instead, we specifically said no toys, but books are fine. That means nobody feels weird showing up empty handed, they have leeway to pick a book that’s meaningful to them, they can easily order online if they want, and we don’t wind up with a ton of toys in our small apartment (especially when Finn is already getting so much because his birthday falls around Xmas and Chanukah).
- The Decor:
- Superhero tablecloths and plates
- Balloons (a giant 4, a Spider-Man Mylar one, and a bunch of latex in his favorite colors) – this proved to be the biggest hit. Every kid wanted to take home a balloon.
- Superman happy birthday banner
- The Entertainment:
- Mask decorating (they could glue on confetti, pom poms, and gems)
- Puzzles (mini puzzles were colorable and then could be put together – this felt like a great two-parter)
- Capes (I loved asking each kid their favorite color when they arrived – other kids may have been interested in doing a superhero parade in their cape and masks; this crew just wanted to wear them to dance around to Danny Go)
- Karaoke (Kpop Demon Hunters on repeat)
- Because of the location we picked, we were limited in activities, but if we’d had a ton of space or if it was warm enough to be outdoors, I would have done a superhero course (box maze to defeat the bad guys) and Spidey web shooting battles (aka silly string).
- The Food:
- Once again, we hosted at the pizza spot right by our apartment. We had pizza, fries, chicken fingers, juice pouches, and open bar for the adults.
- Finn isn’t big on cake/cupcakes. He likes it in theory but won’t even take a bite once it’s in front of him. When I told him he could have doughnuts if he wanted – it’s his birthday – he loved the idea. We made a tower and stuck a Spiderman candle in the top one, which happened to be his favorite strawberry with sprinkles.
- We also got a regular cake also just in case people wanted.
- The Goody Bags: (these)
- The Gift: Finn has been into Ninja Turtles lately, and his eyes get saucer wide over big toy store-type toys, so a birthday felt like the right time to get something big. Between apartment/city living and a general preference for imaginative play, we don’t have a ton of toys. It works out well for us and Finn has been more than happy to build with magnatiles, color, play with cars, and read books. We’re not home all that often anyway. But seeing how he enjoys playing pretend with Legos, it felt like having one big thing would be an asset – and we can deal with a little clutter. We went with this play set (and figurines to go with it).
- The Day-of: Finn’s party was on a Saturday, but his actual birthday was the following day and we spent it by going to the movie theater to see Zootopia 2. He loved it. He also loved getting a few extra gummies for dessert that day.
Peaches to Apples 